˙ʎןɹɐǝןɔ sǝʌןǝsɹno ǝǝs ʇ,uop ǝʍ
I see it all the time: I see it in the beautiful girl who throws herself at men because she's secretly hurting. I see it in the insecure boy who lashes out at others so they won't see his pain. I see it in Instagram smiles and my own destructive thought patterns. I see it in the girl who feels like no one notices her and the teen whose parents aren't around.
I'm convinced that we don't know our worth.
If we did, perhaps we could see beyond bodies and beauty and boys and all the things that seemingly divide us, and just laugh together.
We are human, are we not? We are flesh and blood and soul and spine.
And not a one of us has it all together. We've all cursed and glared and hated in our hearts, even as we slide into our pews on Sunday morning.
"Only the dead don't bleed when they're cut."
~ Beth Moore
I know this. Yet how often do I find myself wishing that I was different, that I was "perfect" like her, or at least more sociable? How often do I throw my energies into desiring to be something other than what I already am - wishing desperately that I was fitter, or a better guitar player, or that I actually pushed myself to write some of my novel once in a while?
Don't get me wrong, these are all wonderful goals. But when I try to find my identity or worth or security or value in something external, something shifting, something so very temporary...I lose myself.
I lose the beauty of loving the girl that occupies this body I call home.
I lose the gratitude that should brim forth from my lips in praise to my God.
I lose the joy of being a one-of-a-kind masterpiece.
Do you love yourself?
We are all selfish and fixate on ourselves more than we should, so loving yourself may sound counterproductive. I find myself thinking:
Love myself? Wouldn't that just mean I fixate even more and more on me? HOW BIG DO YOU WANT MY HEAD TO BE?
But I'm starting to think that the beauty of loving yourself has more to do with a proper view of God than anything else. Loving yourself isn't a selfish act. It's not a prideful, "Oh, look how great I am" mentality.
Instead, it's waking up every morning and realizing that, just like the mountains and the moon and your mother, you are a beautiful creation of Christ. A fearful thing to behold. One of a kind. Art. You have infinite worth because you are a child of His.
Think about this: A lot of us here in the blogging community are writers. We write like our lives depend on it. It consumes us. We love it! And we get a tremendous amount of joy from that act of creating, of making art.
But now imagine that one of the characters you hand-designed, that you dreampt up in your heart, that you poured love and forethought and intelligent design into, hated the way they were made.
Imagine if your character hated those blue eyes you gave them, the ones that remind you so much of that boy you like. What if they hated their laugh that is always just a little too loud, even though it's endearing to you and it makes your heart happy? What if they started to wish they were another character?
It seems to me that so much of what we do stems from how we think, or who we think we are.
I was thinking the other day about my kids. No, I don't have kids yet, but one day I hope to, and I was thinking about what I want to tell them. How I want them to see themselves. What kind of example would I be setting for my kids if I had them right now? They would notice that I'm too frequently fixated on myself in a negative way. And they would start to imitate that.
You see, when we don't love ourselves, when we don't wrinkle our noses in joy at our oddities, our fun fashion sense, our quirky abilities, and even those little so-called "flaws," we fail to see ourselves as God does.
And I wonder, how can I say that I love God and others if I don't show myself that same love? That doesn't seem right to me.
I would never dream of talking to others the way I do to myself in my mind. It's appalling. Something's got to give.
"So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."
~ Genesis 1:27
We have to learn to see ourselves the way God sees us. To hate ourselves is to not have a proper view of the person of Christ. We need to learn to believe that what HE says is paramount to anything this culture will scream.
I wanted to start off this series with "loving God" but somehow "loving ourselves" came first. I'm not saying that loving ourselves is going to fix everything. And I certainly don't advocate becoming full of yourself.
But coming to Christ with your self-image and identity struggles is the key. The more I come to God and read the Bible and cry out to Him, the more I see Him, others, and myself the way that I ought to.
Today, Lord, help me to be grateful to be this particular human, not focusing on myself, but on who You are. Help me show deep love for You, others, and myself. Help me find joy and security in You alone. Help me to celebrate with those who celebrate, and cheer on those who are troubled.
We are not mistakes.
We are vastly loved.
